My Private Cell.

Downward Spiral? Never Surrender.

2010-09-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

My life is falling into a downward spiral of slacking, sleeping and playing.

My love life is great, even when there're occasionally bums between the both of us....it doesn't worry me abit now.

I'm just angry bout the fact that I'm losing my body, my strength, my metabolism by the minute. I'm no longer as fast as I used to be, no longer as hard and definitely not as fit.

I can't do much with my injury, even though it's been satisfactory. I've gotta take the damn metal out soon.

How could I downgrade myself just because of my one finger?

After that is another round of recovery and I'd just have to make up for my one-year hiatus twice or even thrice as hard as before.

NTU climbing team, and all the competitions that come along with it next year. I've gotta work towards my initial form and then further improve from there.

This reality is hitting me hard in the face now.

It will be outmatched. It will be outfought. It will be undone.

I'm getting out of this fucking downward spiral.

I'd never surrender, cause I'm still alive and standing.

PomParkour?

2010-07-31T09:43:00.000-07:00

I just discovered a sport that is weird... and just somewhat amazing: Pomparkour.

It has to do with ladders and parkour, but the ladders are custom-made with an attached hook.

Looks good and fun.

Watch it here at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0J1wsfRw8

Maybe this sport can be mastered to... well sneak into other people's houses.

Endless possibilities, where the mind is the limit.

Inception.

2010-07-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

I realised I've not been here for such a long time; it's been more than 2 months to date.

Things have been the usual ups and downs, and she's gone on another holiday...while I stay back home to wait for her return patiently.

Been trying too hard to catch Inception at the theaters for the past week, and the frustration kicks in. When I finally got seats to watch it today, all the hype,excitement and anticipation for it has inevitably died down. It just wasn't as good as I'd hoped for it to be.

Well, watching a pretty mind-boggling show makes you do more than think. It made me realise. My mind's reaction speed to english is slow. Just plain slow.

I couldn't catch much of what the dialogues were. A similar problem occurs whenever I try to read.

Rusty. Dusty.

Moreover, I was missing You so much throughout the days I couldn't really hear what they said in the show. It felt awkward to not catch a good show with you.

How can I miss you so much yet not love you enough?

I can't. That's why I miss you.

Alright, I'm making it sound like we've just broken up or something, but for those who'd hoped for it; well, so sorry.

We're still together. :)

Missing You on a Saturday Night.

2010-05-15T09:13:00.001-07:00

The babe's gone on holiday, it's a Saturday and I miss her.

Good thing is she's coming back tomorrow night; bad thing? I've got duty on Saturday.

I'm officially back on the training track. I'm not called Saru for nothing. But, there's still quite a long way to go.

Going back into camp tomorrow night, and there goes another round of madness.

Bring it to me.

Ich Will.

2010-04-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

So, the moment I saw Her there, I had to give her the warmest hug.

I've missed you much the past week.

I'm sorry for ruining your previous week, honey. I ruined my own too.

I've never felt such low self-esteem in my life after last week; it made me realise that you're the one I love.

We caught Shutter Island today, and had the best seats. However, when some unknown motherfucker called me which I thought was an emergency, the couple next to me scolded me, claiming that I've been talking throughout the whole show.

I was beginning to boil, but baby managed to calm me down. She knows how to calm me down. She deserves to be loved.

We had great wanton/beef noodles at Crystal Jade, and I think I changed her impressions of wantons and maybe even beef tendons.

Came across this weird non-alcoholic beer on sale at a mini mart. It tasted exactly like beer, but damn, zero alcohol.

Man, maybe it'd be the official straight-edge drink in time to come.

I'm in a good mood.

Before I forget, my alma mater, SAS has made the headlines this time at the B division rugby finals.

As an outsider, I can see that the school is closely knited and united in times of big events. Although I reckon that the fighting incident should be condemned, but we should always look at the circumstances which caused the fight.

What could you have done when an opponent taunts your family and slaps you in the face after claiming victory? It is no longer an act of impulse to retaliate; many have failed to see that pride was involved. It is not an act of sore losing.

If we are not to fight for our own pride, who will?

It is amazing and heartwarming to know that the whole school has an unquestionable, unanimous and utmost united stand against the opposing ACS(I). There is no other school spirit that is stronger than this; hell, it can even touch my heart as an old boy who graduated long ago from the school.

As our motto goes, Once a Saint, Always a Saint.

UP and ON!

Stalemate.

2010-04-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Our relationship has come to a stalemate.

I snapped at her like a wild, crazed psycho that wouldn't think twice bout snuffing the world.

My rage has been unstoppable the past few weeks; even in camp it is almost uncontrollable. My blood boils, my entire body begins to sweat, my head feels like exploding and my adrenaline heightens.

I become increasingly obnoxious to stop myself; I blast expletives to channel out my hate within.
It is only when I stop all the noise that you should begin to beware.

This rage is almost impossible to stop. It is the strongest, the toughest emotion I feel.

Once provoked, I will take days or even weeks to cool down completely, even though I could make exceptions.

I know very well that I should be the good guy. The nice guy. But this rage is too strong. Just too overwhelming for my mind.

Just like how bombs where not planned or developed overnight, my rage builds up slowly, unwittingly and progressively. Not just fuelled by a single person, but by all who steps on my tail.

This rage isn't prejudiced; it is fair. It will explode in your face only if you deserve it, regardless of who you are.

Yes there is the other emotion, love; but it is only second to the rage that is deep within the soul.

I haven't been feeling such intensifying rage in such a long long time ever since that incident that almost got my future ruined. This rage will only limit itself to the borders of the law.

It will trespass my moral and ethics code.

It is in anyone's best interest to stay away and keep clear the moment you notice that rage gains momentum. There is no point going against it. You will be defeated.

It only accepts the soft approach. Everything more, but nothing less.

Please approach with great care and caution, for only you and you only will be liable for all the pain that will be brought unto you.

Drop the World.

2010-04-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

I am surprised by what my metal hand can do at this stage.

Good as new. Good as new.

Climb Asia has this new creative 'treadwall' machine. I reckon it'd be no mean feat for me in no time.

Soon, let me show the world what I can do.

I'm drop it all on your Fucking heads.

WTF Job prospects.

2010-03-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

So, the babe has queries on all the different courses in Uni and all the different job prospects. So, she sent me this: http://www.salary.sg/2009/100-best-jobs-in-singapore-2009/.

I can't deny that I'm actually appalled by the different jobs and wages, and to the extent surprised that a pilot didn't make the spots.

However, what truly appalls me is the truth behind the picture; I ask myself what would be the requirements/ pre-requisites that one would need for the any of these jobs.

Perhaps what I'm looking for in a job in the future, I'd be looking at working environments and atmosphere more than the wage. There are plenty of high wage jobs out there, so what truly sets em apart is the working environment and the prestige.

I think that personal attributes like diligence, would most probably overlook competence, as I would like to see that diligence is rather an 'X' factor in someone's portfolio; it's like a bonus.

However, to me, competency is the basic need for any job prospect. It is like the door to to your rice bowl. Without competency, you wouldn't be needing much diligency as it comes after competency.

You get the job with competency; You save your job with diligency, and not the other way round.

In the mean time, I'd just let myself to the salary given to me by the Army.

I came across this great song by LMF: enjoy;

Results Show.

2010-03-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

So, today's the babe's verdict; the results show.

Congratulations, Honey, I'm happy for You.

I already told her not to worry so much, but she didn't listen; now when the results finally show, it all seems so damn good.

Like how there always seems to be light at the end of the tunnel; ever without fail.

Now look how she wasted all her time the past few months worrying and planning! Okay, I know I'm saying all these to make myself feel better because I just got reminded of how shitty my results were, so just pardon me eh?

Has anyone ever encountered this strange, eerie feeling consisting of self-denial, yet simultaneously full of self-confidence, self-pity, regret, jealousy, depression and hatred all at once?

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, but why the hell is mine always so small?

I believe in fate; I believe there are some things that will drastically change my life while I can't do anything bout it (I can accept this fact), yet I also believe that some things require me to be opportunistic. It is this ambiguity that baffles me all the time; am I being hypocritical, or am I only looking at everything within a context?

What if I am both?

What if I was just out of my mind?

Maybe there must be a mere balance between everything.

Maybe I'm right all this time.

What the Hell am I thinking all these while?

I know I'm alone in my ways of thinking. I've always knew that I'm alone.

I should just keep quiet.

But doesn't mean this self-denial will cease.

Whatever happened to Staying Strong?

Hey Meouse-

2010-02-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

Today, my beloved meouse gave me a black tee with a raccoon bandit print on it. I like it so much, and I'm blogging this post just to express my appreciation of her action.

Yeah, I like the 'bandit' style of dressing, and I'm glad my meouse knows that well.

Thanks, Baby! I really like the tee.

Hee hee.

Post-CNY.

2010-02-19T17:21:00.000-08:00

So, I've passed the Lunar New Year just like that. Like a flash, and the only thing I'd remember bout this year's CNY is that it was undoubtedly the worst CNY for me.

It doesn't even feel like I'm celebrating CNY, and it had to crash with valentine's.

It is very rare that those homemade videos on youtube ever caught my attention, but I came across this video which I'm certain will make just anyone like kids.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

Stay adorable, kids!

Hard Rock Cafe.

2010-02-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

So, I realised that I haven't been blogging for a while, so I decided to update myself.

I am on my birthday off today, and the past few days were the usual times spent in town.

Went to have dinner at Hard Rock Cafe, with Babe and her friends; spent most of my time talking bout army life. Babe kept mum the whole way.

The food wasn't bad at all though.

I saw this very nice Misfits tee for sale at HMV @ 313, at the cost of $25. Maybe I could let it go, so I went to another place later and got it for $12 instead. The design is slightly different, the front white skull is now green, and the words on the back and front are red.

I promised myself to start working out to get back in shape again on Saturday, and I ended up doing only some simple exercises today.

Ok, I've ran out of things to blog now. Not for a quest to stay mysterious, but I seriously don't find much meaning in all these, facebook, blogging, twitter shit where I'm standing right now.

In the past it used to be bout the girls for me, but now that I've a girlfriend, I feel that all these network portals are useless to me.

Maybe many people are still stuck in a single marital status.

I forsee that the platoon will be running into alot of problems this year, from internal feuds, to disassociation from higher authority, to the duties we'd have to cover.

One word on my mind: Slither.

My Wonderful Birthday-

2010-01-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Gosh, my dear managed to make my birth-day, with homemade choco muffins.

The silly gal actually made muffins from scratch. It's really the first time anyone ever baked me anything.

You're absolutely wonderful.

I couldn't love you less, and by the way even a simple black and white dress looks good on you baby.

Thank You, Honey.

I finally came up with a solid resolution for the New Year, to be a more understanding, kind but yet more aggressive and headstrong in my will to accomplish things.

I hope my birthday wish will come through this March.

New Year 2010.

2010-01-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

I've been busy this holiday, and I only have time to update my blog on the night of the first day of the new year.

Before I begin, Happy New Year to all readers of my blog.

So yesterday both of us went to catch Sherlock Holmes at Dhoby. Managed to catch the show with an impromptu decision with seats 5 rows from the front.

Well, the movie's interesting at some point where Sherlock was bloody observant. Sometimes it helps to be observant.

Oh I almost forgot the day before that we had another jamming session. Well, I think I've improved on the vocals somehow. I wasn't as much out of breath as I used to be.

So we had dinner at Ichiban Boshi (Suntec) after the movie, and the food was really good. Fantastic, tantalising tastebuds.

Waited till 12 for the awesome fireworks, just like last year, but only this time the spot we were at was much better, more air, less humid, excellent view.

Baby was busily taking photos and video while I just felt that I like watching fireworks more than last time. Maybe it's because I'm doing so with my love.

After the fireworks, we rushed to the mrt as usual, but this year it was much more crowded than last year. Much more exits to the mrt was blocked off, and there were many guards around.

We were stuck till we saw some people escaping the horde when a guard left his post, then baby climbed over the crowd rail all of a sudden and began running. I did a monkey vault over the rail with ease. So we were out and we ran as fast as we could into another crowd even when the guard shouted at us. It was the first time I'd vaulted ever since I broke my finger.

We reached another mass human traffic-jam and someone let loose the rails and we were through again. This time was more dangerous, it was a big road.

Vaulted over the rails again and baby did some amazing one legged vault while wearing leggings. It's the first time I've seen any one vaulted with leggings.

Now that's amazing.

But as a result, her ring got quite a few scratches on it. Damn.

I feel the pinch when her ring has scratches.

Today we decided to go swimming at Yishun Safra. The scenery was good, and it was my first time swimming there.

Baby was looking real' fine. I'm so in love.

I do like couples retreat.

Merry Christmas 2009'

2009-12-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

My baby darling made me a wonderful card, which is so darn cute that I'd feel guilty not blogging bout it.

Thanks, Love... You're the silliest and the sweetest definitely. You dressed really well yesterday.

Merry Christmas to You, Meouse. Merry Christmas to all you readers too.

Had an okay dinner at O'leary's, and She and I agreed that the food is quite overpriced. The ambience was good though, with a live band.

Sorry dear, there ain't no special christmas pressie for you this year, but I hope you've the same sentiments as me; all I want for Christmas is You.

YM & YJ-

2009-12-19T21:10:00.001-08:00

So, we got rings to celebrate our one year anniversary.

Babygal was so happy... Her ring was real sweet.... whereas mine is a lil loose.

We've been together for more than a year already... and there are times when I just miss and love you so much.

Spent around an hour impromptu to make a paper santa claus face for her, but it didn't exactly fit, so I ended up meeting her late and really angry at myself.

Well, I'd most probably make another one for you love.

Had a great and affordable dinner at pastamania and damn the apple crumble pizza was good. Baby ate so little as usual, like a meouse.

On the darker note, I've been really really angsty the past week, I blasted my platoon mates for minor issues and I fell down on the right hand.

Now x-ray shows that there is a small fracture at the same spot, and there is a slight twisting of the metal.

I don't know what's the fate of my hand... now I'm just angry that I had to fall.

Everything just seems to fucking piss me off.

So I'd fucking stop bloggin now.

Before I implode.

I reinstate my stand on being straight edge/hard core.

2009-12-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

The baby, her friends and I went to try shisha yesterday.

Initially I told her that I wouldn't even be trying... you know what being straight edge means. But I had more than second thoughts on not trying it.

So I tried it anyway.

Well, I may seem pretty much a hypocrite when I say I'm straight edge (when in generic terms it just means I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or sex) while I did drink and smoke shisha over the past few days.

Ok, before your judgements escalates into something critical, let me reinstate my stand.

Firstly, I did so because I felt that there was a serious need to experience something in order to judge it.

Let me give you a simple analogy: if you have never been through surgery before and I told you that a surgery doesn't hurt, would you believe me?

You probably would, because I've been through it before. Would you have believed the nurse then?

If you want a true and honest opinion on drugs, would you seek it from a counsellor or would you seek it from an ex-offender trying to turn over a new leaf?

Secondly, I haven't broken the straight edge rule. I have merely bent it.

I know you have thoughts about asking me, since you say it's ok to try, why don't you go try some drugs?

The thing is, drugs cause more harm on the body then any other thing. It's definitely not worth the try.

Another thing bout being straight edge is the ability to know when to say No.

It's ok to try, but the issue here is that many people tend to succumb to addiction after the first try, coupled with peer pressure.

This is not the case for me.

So I dare tell you that there's nothing cool bout smoking sisha or drinking, and you can see why I don't post photos of me drinking or smoking sisha. Because it really ain't.

It really ain't because I have tried it before, and I tell you it ain't fun or cool to do so.

So now do you believe me?

Truth hurts.

2009-12-06T00:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, went to catch New Moon yesterday and was hoping to attend the post-prom with the babe. Just our luck that the date's mixed up and it'd on Tuesday instead.

New Moon sucks. Period.

Played Truth with Her and all of a sudden she seems to have a mental breakdown. It's not her fault, but I kinda understand.

Well, you can't change the past, so stop worrying bout it and let it go.

All there's left to be done is for her to be happy and cheerful again.

The fact is, the Truth kinda always hurt.

I'm sorry.

I realise that the only time I have for myself is in camp when my friends aren't around.

Call me an egoist, I couldn't care less, but now I'm really being selfish: I can't wait for my hand to fully recover before I can fully climb again.

The only thing about relationships that bothers me is the total effort and commitment to the person you love, to the extent that even when you really don't have time for yourself.

I'm for commitment and love... but I remember there is one rule I uphold: Love yourself before you love others.

I love ____. Fill in the blanks will you?

Either answer you will still get it right.

Baby's Spree.

2009-11-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

So sorry for what happened yesterday dear, just felt so lazy that I didn't feel like going out.

It's such a good date today, even though I didn't buy anything but I'm happy for the baby who got her shoes and jeans.

Watched 500 days of Summer with Her on the psp sitting on a bench... and it's quite a touching show. There are uncanny similarities bout the things they do and the things we do.

The weather was so good today.

I love You, baby.

So I'm going back in tomorrow night. I hate it, but on the bright side, I think it'd be good as you'd just treasure things you have outside more.

Current playlist: the whole of Faderhead's Horizon Born EP.

I'm in such a mellow mood.

Dinner at Ichiban Boshi.

2009-11-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

So like we planned, we ate dinner at Ichiban Boshi.

Haven't had such good japanese food for a while... and damn, the cheese scallops are good.

We spent quite alot of money on the meal, but we are happy bout it. Baby says we should eat more often.

I am turning into a couch potato, but I kinda like it.

Creativity hasn't struck my mind just yet.

2012 movie and some unexpected circumstances.

2009-11-26T02:16:00.000-08:00

So I went with the Baby after her exam on Monday to watch 2012.

Well, it was quite a movie with visual effects, just a little too much visual effects. Now baby didn't believe that the world's gonna end yet, well I kinda am skeptical... bout her beliefs.

Ok, couples can't always see eye to eye; and I think no one has the exact same thinking as me.

She accompanied me to the hospital for check-up, and the damn doctor isn't gonna help me downgrade.

So I met with some unexpected circumstances.

You tell me: a metal fuckin' implant is in my dominant hand, and I don't get downgraded while some other slacker fuck downgrades with backpain/asthma/knee operation?

This is seriously one, big spike.

So what do you do with spikes that look so fuck sharp? You fuck it until it's darn blunt.

I'm gonna go head-on with this one.

Chances don't come often, so now the chance is in your hands and someone tries to deny you of that chance while you have every right to fight it back.

Whoever isn't fighting is a real idiot.

Now is the time. You must win.

Lucky Louie.

2009-11-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

I just came across an old dark humour sitcom aired in 2006 called Lucky Louie. Man, it sure is funny... and those are the type of jokes I'd laugh at and even make.

Find Pamela Adlon's role and character in the show to be really,really hot and the little gal acting is just so cute.

Makes me really want to start a family. A real cosy one, with a good and beautiful wife and a kid.

Meanwhile the Baby's spending her time studying and goin through the toughest phase, the A levels (which is second to army if you're a boy). Oh darling... it'd be over just so soon, before you even know it.

Watched HD quality Paranormal Activity yesterday and damn, it is morbid. It may affect your good night's sleep if you're faint-hearted. Catch it if only you can.

As there's nothing much, I guess I'd just log off now.

Bye.

Post-Surgery Woes.

2009-11-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

So, I'm back from the surgery.

Bloody thing delayed by 3 hours.

The fucking doctor looked so tired before he operated on me. It better not be a fucked-up...

I can't see the condition of my knuckle either. It looks the same, if not worst.

It kinda hurts now, the wound.

I realised something too... my mood and temper have gotten real bad.

So bad my lil baby dearest was scared of me.

Pre-Surgery Woes.

2009-11-05T02:19:00.000-08:00

I'm going to undergo hand surgery tomorrow.

There is a need to as my knuckle needs to feel right again. It's a little displaced now.

I have fears of the surgery being a screw-up and my hand wont ever be the same again. Having a big scar and a metal plate in your hand seems weird.

Ah damn, now I don't even know when I'm going to be able to climb again.

Happy Post-Halloween!

2009-11-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Post-Halloween!

Went with the babe to starbucks and we got 2 Christmas-themed drinks on the house. When She was done studying we head to town, and it was raining like hell.

No choice but to eat korean food. She was so unhappy that I forgot my misfits mask on Halloween.

Orchard Central's quite a place, and we spent the remaining hours of our night at Gelare as my baby's been craving for cheese ever since we ordered pizza at my place. So, she had this oreo cheesecake and we shared a fruity shirley-temple-raspberry mocktail together while looking at the people climbing the via-ferrata wall.

Awesome night really. Simple but yet feels so right.

Went to spectate Climb On at Pasir Ris park today at 10. I actually reached the place at 9 and i walked for an hour from the interchange all the way to the other end.

It felt like a lone hike. Hmm, the fresh air was invigorating.

Man, Climb On was an event. It's like a damn climbing festival man. All Singapore's climbers were there, nationals, men and women. Too bad my finger had to break and I could only look and hope it heals up fine.

I can't wait to climb again.

Realised that the babe and I have much more chemistry than I actually thought we had. I realise my heart yearns badly for her whenever she's not by my side.

Gosh, I am still so in love.

On my current playlist that kinda describes my mood: AFI's Coin Return and Faderhead's Taking Pain in Large Doses.

Many might find this a very weird mix of hardcore punk and ambient-industrial.

But who cares! As long as we stay Hardcore.

Healing Period.

2009-10-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I've never stayed over at camp ever since my finger broke; that's almost 3 weeks now.

The finger's healing up fine, although my bony knuckles seem lost.

Well I realised I haven't worked much of my brain ever since I enlisted. I'm getting a lil slow...and perhaps retarded.

Like retarded speech, with more-than-occasional slurs and I think like a child sometimes I realise.

Must have been those platoon mates in my unit now. Juveniles.

I'm not going to lose myself while in the army.

Break us down just to shape us up again? All I need is some time to refresh my mind and soul.

Which is Now.

I need to connect with myself more.

So where's my Muse?

You see, there are so many distractions in the world today, and it seems everything in our lives are distracting us from getting in touch with our hearts and mind.

No one in their free time ever thinks anymore; by thinking I mean the act of in-depth contemplating. People'd rather use their free time to sleep, play or eat.

Even I have unwittingly become a victim of this trend.

There's another issue which concerns the 'degradation' of a person's personality. Many of us like to put up an act in front of others; by others I mean superiors, and some of the people you don't like, and with time, the act somehow fuses with the personality.

This trend is gradual, and hardly anyone notices it. Why does it happen?

It happens because the acts are put into place by fear; fear of superiors, fear of the people you loathe finding out and getting back at you.

It's the fear from the depths of your hearts and soul that makes you who you are.

It can make great changes, sometimes drastic, to your character. Fear is a even greater component than peer pressure that affects your actions, and in turn your personality.

However, fear can be a good thing. Now I fear myself turning into one of those fucked-ups, even more than the consequences of offending a fucked-up, so I'm bloody adamant about it.

That's what personality is about; the ability to resist.

It's about time I, resist.

Deepavali, Broken Finger-

2009-10-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, this may sound real uncanny....but I broke my finger on Deepavali.

My friends and I were just talking bout back injuries and hours later there goes my finger. It's now in a cast, and may even need to have an operation.

I'd be out of the platoon most probably, maybe even get a few months status?

Strangely, I've been thinking bout my back pain the past few days and wala! There goes the finger.

Now I'm afraid of whether they'd post me out of my camp, whether I can climb again and whether my hand will have scars.

The silly gal was so sweet today. The sweetest gal in fact. The moment I told you I broke my finger, you rushed down immediately to see me to the hospital.

Thanks for staying over for dinner and watching me sleep, baby. I appreciate much dear.

I really do.

It's times like these I really need my gal by my side.

I love You, Darling.

Ok, I find it troublesome to type so I'm just gonna stop the post here.

SOC + Delayed Anniversary.

2009-10-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

I just wanna apologize to my baby for not taking note of our one year anniversary last week.

I'm really sorry, and I hope we can really celebrate in December after your exams.

I don't know if my leave is approved yet as there's been a screw-up in the computer-registeration system in camp. But I think it'd most probably be approved, so don't worry.

So yesterday was the real SOC rundown; the last time I did it was in BMT in May, in 5.23 mins. Well the difference this time is that there is a starting 600m run to the first obstacle, instead of BMT's 50m, moreover after the last obstacle (low ramp) there's another 700m run to the finish line.

I told myself I had to be the first, so I did everything in 8.26 mins. Not the fastest in camp yet... but at least the fastest in the platoon.

Well, how I wished She had praised me for being fit instead of calling me short and buff all the time.

I snapped up a few times in camp as I got pissed by some fucked-up platoon mate who thinks he's the fittest, biggest and owns the world.

If anyone were to own the world back in camp, it'd only have to be Me.

I don't ever wanna flock with birds of their type of feather (uneducated shitheads) , I just wanna remain myself.

If I ever have to fear anything other than authority, it'd have to be Me.

You wouldn't like me if I lost control.

None of you would.

JAM.

2009-09-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, I realised it's been weeks since I've last updated my blog.

Bought a psp-3000 recently, and have been pre-occupied by it ever since.

Web browser, youtube, facebook, msn, games, videos, music; if you name it I have it.

So I booked out on Thursday due to an attachment...but in the end it was cancelled. The night before the battalion had beer on the house for every soldier.

I didn't drink; well it wouldn't kill me, but I mean I'm quite serious bout staying straight edge for the time being.

So Saturday was the Jam. Started off fine with 21 guns... but Evadne had to take silly, candid photos of me when I was singing.

It may ruin our band reputation if we had one.

Honey, sorry for what happened yesterday, felt like an idiot after what you said... yes, you hit the nail right on the head.

The baby's getting pre-a level's stress.

I've been through it before and I know how it feels... just do it the right way.

Focus.

Currently on my playlist: Saturday Night by the Misfits.

Sometimes, I feel that the world's passing me by, while I'd stay in the same spot.

AOH.

2009-08-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

Caught District 9 with the babe on Saturday, and it was a good show surprisingly. A movie worth watching, even though there wasn't any discount with the damn SAFRA card as GV doesn't show it.

Went to Baybeats 09' and saw a pseudo-black metal band, something like Cradle of Filth...good old Cradle of Filth. Makes me wonder if we're ever gonna start a band in the near future.

So, guarding duty at Pasir Laba Camp (PLC) on Sunday. Reached the gates at 7.30 am and saw Joel Ee, the drummer. Slept 3 hours the day before, and I fell asleep again at 8 am at the air-conditioned classroom until 11.45, and then went to out-ration (takeaway) lunch.

Ate lunch and then fell asleep at 1pm, until 5pm... out-rationed dinner and fell asleep at 8pm.

Called the baby at 10.25pm, and fell asleep by 11pm. Woke up at 2 and 4 am respectively, and finally woke at 7 am to out-ration breakfast.

So today, a blessing in disguise, I got a surprise off-day, that's why I'm here so free typing my blog while the rest are doing contractor work for the Army Open House (AOH) from Friday to Monday.

Most often, things are not the way they seem; or at least, never the way you percieve them.

Passing out of BMC.

2009-08-10T01:42:00.000-07:00

So, it's been 2 weeks since I've updated my blog. The reason why I didn't update the last week was because I'd be going on ranting bout the same shit we do everyday.

How boring is that?

Well, I've just passed out of the BMC course on Friday, and had the Exercise on Monday. Although I cannot disclose what we did for the exercise, it was quite an experience.

Took a sudden IPPT on Friday; they told us only the previous night before, and I got gold again. Now my 2.4 km timing even improved.

Sweet.

Watched 2 movies this week; G.I Joe and Up. Now I kinda think that I look like G.I Joe. Up was quite a touching and heartwarming movie.

Now my patience is running low, so I've got to go.

Boat Coy- Week 2

2009-07-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

So, there was the 16km Timor Barat Run at 35 SCE today. Saw some good old friends like Gomez, Gabriel, Ashley, Guan Xuan and even Andrew.

While the rest of the platoon ran, I was on status since Wednesday...due to back pain.

Let me tell you what we've been through the last week: loading assault boats up and down, each weighing around more than 160 kg. The motor we carry it separately; 75 kg weight carried by 2 men: up and down the tonner.

Well, that's all I can disclose out in public; SAF doesn't allow its soldiers to disclose any sort of its happenings online.

Strangely...I'm beginning to like my bunk.

Oh I miss climbing. Gotta climb sometime soon.

Once I get out to sea next week...I'd be looking forward to the life in the Coy.

Boat Coy.

2009-07-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

So, I've just finished my CEC (common combat engineer) course in Alpha Coy. It lasted for 2.5 weeks, and now I'm posted to Boat Coy to be an assault boat operator.

They all say it's the toughest course in the entire Seletar Camp; strictest regimentation and most arduous.

However, the course will only last for 5 weeks, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have thoughts of abandoning my fellow platoon, but I've made up my mind to stay on.

I've been putting no effort in the army since BMT.

I guess it's time to show em' all what I've really got.

My parents, my baby, my friends have been encouraging me...they know I'd survive.

My bunk is only a small, 2 men- 3 x 4m room with no windows... looks like a cell at first sight.

Which makes me, truly, a Celldweller.

Let's show em' what you got, Joker.

35SCE-Hell.

2009-06-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

35SCE, is a true hell hole.

The people without much education, without much future, is in my platoon.

I don't ever wanna mix with them. I've got to be myself.

Even though the camp's pretty near my house and her house, the first bookout was delayed by 3 damn hours.

Coming out feels almost like heaven, letting me be apart from them.

Sometimes I feel like fighting back...but everytime I do so, I'd think of my family, my university admission, my gal, and my future.

They have nothing to lose; I have everything to lose. So, if I ever get into deep shit, I'd still be the ultimate loser.

Maybe I was posted there for a reason; I have much to learn bout patience, control, and being thankful.

Booked out at 2, reached home at 3, and meet the baby at 7. Went to Fish and Co. at the Glass House, and it was so noisy that I couldn't have proper conversations with Her.

Well, the food was good, and the drink was good. Honey was smiling all night long.

Until I did something reckless and stupid. I hate to see Her cry. I hate to see Her sad. I hate it. It adds a tonne to my sunken heart.

I also just realised that my apologetic smses I sent Her last night didn't get through, so I'm gonna do a public apology on my blog.

I won't ever do it again, darling. I love You.

I'm having a lil depression. My life seems like a damn bottleneck now, and it could only get worse.

Booking in tonight, and all I can do, is to see my national service as a dream, as you won't ever believe what exactly we go through.

Only mad dogs will bite mad dogs. Just remember that You have everything to lose while they don't.

This is the ultimate mental and physical test of your life.

Back from Thailand-

2009-06-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back from Thailand two days ago. It was fun, and bought hell loads of things.

Didn't manage to meet up with the rest, too much of a hassle and I don't feel like drinking or clubbing.

One of the days there, I wanted to find the Thai climbing place called Pro Climber, and I did find the address, but they moved out...and I spent around 12 SGD on the cab fare...roaming the rural areas for more than an hour.

So, I came back with a light and happy heart, only to find out that I've got into some deep shit.

Not a good vocation posting. Feels like I'm going to jail.

If it's not my choice, then I choose to believe that it's by purpose.

POP Aftermath-

2009-06-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

24 km route march and POP on Wednesday. Left Zulu Coy and Rocky Hills in one piece.

Went out with the Silly Gal on Thursday, and on Friday, played soccer with the platoon at The Cage, went to play Lan and met up with Joseph to climb afterwards.

I'm much faster when I'm climbing now.

Read bout the Standby-Organs case that happened in Tekong, and it has inevitably sent chills down my spine.

Flight tomorrow to Thailand, and it's been so long since I've been there.

So what's next?

Back.

2009-06-06T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm back from the 7 days of confinement.

A long weekend was burned entirely last week; but I wasn't. I miss my gal the most.

Got into NTU's sociology course, and I'd be looking forward to the new arts facilities.

Caught Terminator Salvation with the babe yesterday at Filmgarde Kallang. It was a good show, although I expected better.

So, somehow it managed to reinforce my stand that regimentation are making us all machines. Like how men would uphold someone else's values above their own, following orders strictly, thinking that it is the right thing to do.

Well, I see such people no different from machines. Is the difference the ability to resist?

No. The difference between man and machine is the ability to feel obliged and to disobey.

Discipline is one thing, feeling obliged is another. Conforming is also another.

Passing Out Parade (POP) on Wednesday; that means evacuation out of HH.

You either break the system with your mind, or the system breaks you in yours.

Sushi Buffet-

2009-05-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

Went with my silly gal to have Sakae Sushi at Thomson, and damn it's been so long since I had such good sushi.

Went to watch Night at the Museum 2 at Lido, and it was just a mediocre movie; it was the time spent with the baby that I was looking forward to the whole entire 2 weeks.

Booking in tomorrow, I have not much time left.

Endurance? Discipline? Honour?

I uphold Elusiveness above all.

Try to catch me if you can.

Field Camp Survival.

2009-05-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back from Field Camp.

It was quite an arduous journey; it's really quite an experience.

Had live grenade throw yesterday, and after that completed SOC in around 5 minutes.

In the army, the days pass by so slowly yet so fast, and most often leaving me in quite a daze; it feels as though time doesn't matter much anymore.

When the cold wind blows, and I miss my lover so.

Gold Standard-

2009-05-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

So, I spoke of being faster and stronger...and this time I had my ippt gold.

I recieved a lil gold ippt badge to be sewn on the uniform.

SOC is tough with the rifle and SBO, but I get the hang of it.

Had a computing interview on Thursday, and it was more for mathematically-inclined people. Not quite the course I wanted.

My field camp's next week, and I really hope I can keep clean.

1st Book Out-

2009-05-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, I booked out on Wednesday and I'd have to book in tomorrow.

It's already considered as a long weekend.

Made a new black spectacle today, and went with the baby to sit the flyer for free; dinner and drinks at the SCC.

So good to be able to see the Silly Gal again.

My smallest left toe has a huge raw blister wound which was busted to it's current condition by my careless platoon mate.

It's healing up, but it's healing up way too slow.

I've gotta be faster, stronger and smarter this time round.

Rite of Passage.

2009-04-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

2 more days before I enlist into the army.

Pulau Tekong: Hell's island.

Went to celebrate the Silly Gal's birthday in-advance, and we had so much trouble deciding where to eat when we finally found a quite secluded Japanese place offering very nice food at affordable prices.

Headed to the new Bugis shopping mall afterwards, where they had alot of prize machines with ridiculous presents like pringles?

This time around, my baby finally curbed from wanting to play the machines, hahaz-

I still owe the baby a present, and although I can't celebrate her birthday with her on her actual birthday, I'd always be there in your heart, love.

3 weeks on Hell's island...and for the first time, I do not want any sort of hell to break loose.

I will be missing Her, as I'm already doing so now as I'm typing this.

I Love You.

This is one ordeal, that every fit singaporean man has to go through, and as I'd like to see it, a rite of passage from becoming a boy to a man.

Climb and Jam.

2009-04-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

So last Friday, we went to jam at Thomson, just opposite the Silly gal's place.

Had such a hard time finding the damn place, and I was 45 minutes late. Finished climbing at Asia at around 4, and went back home at 5, reached the jam studio at 6.45.

Well, I was singing at the top of my lungs, and I realised that I was singing overwhelmingly loud as Joseph's girlfriend was just singing normally but it was loud to me; it just that I couldn't hear my own voice as there were drums and dual guitars and a bass, so I sang at the top of my voice.

Tuesday, went over to (Joel Ee) drummer's house, to do some acoustic jamming and recording. I notice I have a little problem over remembering the lyrics at some point, and a huge problem of trying to get my voice to sustain over a chorus.

Wednesday, went to Climb Asia and ITE to climb again. The result: quite a stiff right shoulder and a semi-injured wrist. My shoulder now has a persistent clicking.

I went for acupuncture for my injured wrist, and the doctor has helped me 'pop' my wrist back into place, and it hurts alot less now. Acupuncture's quite a miracle healing technique.

Come, tomorrow, I'd be attending the Rocmoc Camp for the J1s. So, I'd be climbing again, but at Yishun.

Man, I miss my baby. It's like I haven't been seeing her for so long. Hope it ain't tough on you love, cause we're definitely in this together?

I'd be going to the Army soon. Where the life I'm living now, will soon stop.

I can only hope, that things will change only for the better.

JAM + Boulderactive 09.

2009-03-23T21:03:00.001-07:00

So, I haven't been updating for a lil while now, as the past week was hectic.

Went to Jam again...and this time, I could do songs like Alter Bridge's Metalingus with much more energy. You know that's the energy when you feel so much force coming outta you.

But too bad the bass was missing.

So after jamming, I went to Novena to check Boulderactive 09' out. Man, those routes for novice qualifiers are getting harder and harder each year.

Like an overhang for women's novice qualifiers.

I didn't join this year to save the embarrassment.

Went with Joseph to get his mad rock shark climbing shoes at Camper's Corner, and I feel like getting one, but my current shoe's still in good condition...besides, the mad rock frenzy lace I prefer isn't sold.

After dinner, went over to M hotel to accompany the Silly Gal for a lil while, and she was so scared of being alone when I left?

It's a stunning sight to see her boulder, as she tried the mini boulder wall at the gym.

Absolutely Hot.

So I've got a flu...and this Friday's evening jam better be good.

No Harm.

2009-03-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

Watched Coming Soon with the Silly Gal yesterday at Shaw Lido, and the popcorn was huge.

I didn't stop eating, and finished it all up within half the show.

So, the scary part of the show is about how the seats beside me were empty, and the ghost in the show was haunting the damn cinemas.

Very good plot actually, but yeah, poor acting.

I was eating popcorn off my shirt, and I realised a few got stuck on the Silly Gal's tee while we were window-shopping.

She's pretty silly.

Hahaz.

Watched V for Vendetta yesterday and I felt that it was a good show.

The best quote I found was: People should not be afraid of their governments; Governments should be afraid of their people.

Funny thing is, my life is all linked up some how, at some point and at some magnitude.

Long Vacation-

2009-03-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, I went to climb 3 days last week.

Two days at Climb Asia (sneak), one at ITE.

Hopefully tomorrow, the band goes jamming...or we could climb again.

So, yesterday brought my love to meet my parents, she being shy as ever, kept so quiet. Well KWSPST kinda sucks because of all the old people.

Sorry Love, that we didn't have much time to check out the Supreme Court. We went to Peninsula instead, and City Hall was sure crowded due to the IT Fair.

So I checked out Camper's corner, and they only sold Mad Rock Shoes, which aren't very flexible. Well, my current 5.10 coyote shoes are still quite durable, flexible and comfortable...just that it's a little loose.

Ok, I'm too busy to blog nowadays, unlike those days of school, where blogging's quite a stress-reliever and a motivator, but I just can't seem to find stress now.

This is one hell of a long vacation, Hell Yeah!

Feel the Punch.

2009-03-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't do well at all for the A levels.

68.75/90 points.

It feels almost like suicide, except that you couldn't die.

You feel the weight of the eyes upon you, the whispers of discontent and agony.

It's never just about you and your results; it's always bout you and the others in simple comparison.

My chances to university are very, very dim. But what am I going to do about it?

I will carry on this fight, keep improving myself and leave some of it to Fate.

I will be optimistic, but I will not be happy until I get in.

Because, the Truth is, I lost and got beaten hands down.

This is reality, and my life looks so much smaller now.

However, this certainly doesn't mean I give up.

My life isn't going to be entirely up to the papers, and I'm still in control of it.

Slumdog Millionaire.

2009-03-03T05:25:00.000-08:00

I've just watched the best show this year, other than Pulp Fiction; Slumdog Millionaire.

To cut things short, the movie is about how a slum kid's life experiences are answers to the who wants to be a millionaire questions. A life of crime, running and abandoment, can teach you so much about life; rather than just reading it from books.

This movie really made me think twice bout being a lil too happy-go-lucky(well not that I am). What am I, a mediocre A Level student student, got to be proud of?

Some strut their ego and material all around just because they were born rich, some try to act rich when they're really not, some try everything to become rich and kill themselves little by little in the process, others desperate to find work to pursue their materialistic needs.

Hey, look, money isn't the root of all evil; it's your wretched hearts. So much desire that make you fall slave and victim to avarice. (I've said this alot of times, but many fools still don't get it)

You know you're infected when:
1. you see something so attractive and nice that you're almost thinking immediately how to get it;

2. you want something so badly that you rant non-stop to your friends and on your blog;

3. you think of your connections with your friends mostly as being portals to splendid, often money-making opportunities;

4. you refuse to wear or eat the unbranded;

5. you prefer to hang out with your richer friends that offer you a better time that money could buy;

6. you think money can solve most of the world's problems;

7. you think money can get you more friends;

8. you think money can fulfill your spiritual and mentally well-being and life;

9. you think money can buy you everything;

10. you think money is your life.

If you think you have more than 1 of these, I'd be glad and ready to spit on your grave.

Well, don't you feel more like a wreck now?

Facebook?

2009-03-01T08:10:00.000-08:00

As my dear wanted to show me some pictures She uploaded on Facebook, I had to sign up for an account.

So I signed up, uploaded a personal photo of myself, and wha-laa!

Here comes the horde of emails that people wanting to add you...ranging from your friends, to your juniors, to acquaintances, and to strangers.

Just because of a fucking name and a bloody photo.

You see, Facebook is popular just because it works on the fact that everyone is a voyeur. It's the photos that make it so damn popular.

Photos of your friends who're all dressed up nice, along with their friends and the friends of their friends. So the list goes on and on.

Why don't you just go surf some porn?

Like as if adding a friend on Facebook would equate to a real friend offline, and make your life any more significant.

Like I desperately need this kinda websites to make more friends.

You see, if Facebook was to disapprove of people adding photos, do you think it'd still be popular?

I admit I'm a voyeur too, but I'm telling you it can be controlled. Otherwise it'd just control you like how it controlled all the other Facebook users, and when the numbers add up, you're officially the Norm.

I will never wanna add you while I can learn to hate you.
If you somehow learn to love me, well, that's just my luck.
I would never ever care if you only wanted friendship,
but somehow you're disappointed that I'm not a slut.

So now I've got you wonderin' if you were worth my time.
Well, I'd like to tell you different, but I can't because it's true.

I don't wanna fuck you, so Fuck You.

As there are always somethings that deserve to die, let's bring the Rage back, shall we?

Support Local?

2009-02-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

I just sat in front of the tv and watched the Live and Loaded bands perform.

What poor music tastes people have nowadays.

Every single performance and song I heard, had such a 'pop' feel to it more than a heavy rock feel.

How do you want us to support local bands when their songs do not turn you on even a lil bit?

The radio has flooded the young minds of today with sexed-up hip hop and R'n'B, so much that they can't seem to differentiate between rock and blues.

I'm not saying that I hate hip hop and R'n'B, but as a vivid music listener, please, at the very least be able to differentiate between genres.

Could You believe a guy called Mark Bonafide who acts like a rapper singing on Live and Loaded without any instruments?

Why the Fuck do you call it a rock event?

Many Bands/Songs today kinda lack the drive; the same drive and hardness you get out of metal, industrial, punk and true rock.

Intense money-making desires have made the music industry push bands towards the edge of popular culture, thus many bands make songs that sound bloody half-hearted and meaningless which seem to appeal to the majority, and there you have it: True Music is dead.

Now bands and their followers dress up all crappy; tight skinny jeans, colourful t-shirts and leather cuffs: all because they think the gals like it and it's fun to be hip.

Well, Fuck Hip, and Sexy.

If you're truly beautiful or cool, you don't need none of those colourful gay shit. Well, unless of course, you're someone like Davey Havok who is the only guy so far I think looks good with make-up, long hair and eyelashes.

If you're not, then fuck you.

I won't be sedated, I won't be sedated...You're seriously overated.

Busy/Funny Frenzy.

2009-02-22T06:02:00.000-08:00

Went with my Silly Gal to Queensway yesterday to get her a new pair of fbts, as she seemingly lost it in school, but in the end she found out it was in her bag all along only today.

Before that, we alighted at the bus stop only to find it raining so heavily so we had no choice but to wait for an hour there until the rain got smaller, before we ran.

Silly Gal was lookin' so good in her fine jacket. :)

So we had dinner at IKEA and she seems to love the swedish meatballs very much...and I can't stop stealing her food even though I had an excellent honey baked chicken rice and two hotdogs to myself before that hahaz.

Went to Vivocity afterwards, and I actually tried looking for a chalkbag at Daiso.

Today, I was scheduled to have an audition that would be recorded for show on tv with buddy Aslam, my seniors and my juniors at 3 pm; I met the Silly Gal at 12 for lunch and when it started raining, the whole Novena was wet and crowded.

She didn't seem to have the mood to study, and then she went to Macdonald's at Centrepoint to try to study while I went for the audition.

So at the audition; met up with my seniors Regina and Felicia who didn't have any idea what we were in for, and we did the answer-questions-routine impromptu.

Well, I started answering the questions the person asked us, and the rest of the team followed suite. The best thing was none of us interrupted one another and we managed to answer all the questions with ease without stuttering.

The thing lasted around 5 minutes, and I had to shelter the ladies and bring the umbrella we borrowed back to Botak Jones. Then they said I looked like another senior whom had a nickname 'egghead'. My junior said he got groped on the way there in the train as the molester had apparently grabbed his butt by accident while wanting to grab the butt of a pretty gal next to him. Aslam said he was once approached by a man who offered him a job being a 'masseur' that could earn 400 bucks in 2 hours while training topless.

A series of funny events. I laughed my heart out.

So I went back to Macdonald's only to see the Silly Gal studying there all by herself. So I sat there and tried to hack her phone and I wasted one of her messages by sending it to my phone.

We then had korean food at Meridien, and to think only 2 nights ago I was running from there to Somerset mrt at full speed to catch the last train.

Man, these days are all busy/funny frenzies.

Which makes you wanna smile and laugh to yourself sometimes.

Sorry.

2009-02-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

My bipolar acted up last night when I got sparked off, and there goes Joker.

Sparked off His boundless hate for anything I find that would remind me of bitches.

I really shouldn't have said those things, and now I've hurt my baby badly that She's afraid of me.

Love's the only cure for this. I've harnessed it for far too long, and it has inevitably become a part of me.

She didn't do anything wrong; she merely went for Lit Night and chatted with a friend who performed and Joker got so angry.

Joker thinks Literature sucks, and chatting with a friend who acted sucks even more... all because he has the rage to make some bitches, Obsolete.

I think he's just being unreasonable for snapping at his beloved just like that. What similarity is there between my baby and a bitch?

There really isn't any.

Joker thinks there is because his hate, his anger and his rage knows no bounds and when he's not in a good mood everyone is a danger to him.

I mean everyone.

Even myself.

No one can hold a candle to you, my dear... and it's all my fault.

Yes, you're right dear; you'd only know how much you really love someone when tears are shed, most often mutually.

I'm sorry, and I Love You.

Climb Climb Climb.

2009-02-18T05:47:00.000-08:00

Cycled to the ITE at Balestier yesterday to check out their boulderwall.

Phew, it was sweet. Best free-of-charge bouldering area ever.

So I climbed the walls and got 4 blisters on both my hands. My fingers appeared much weaker than before. But I'm still gonna continue climbing.

So today, I woke up at 8 to reach Hougang at 9 to play soccer with my friends. Played from 9 to 12 plus, and so I've got sunburn again.

Went back to school and met my silly gal but I couldn't see Her for long as she was still having lessons, so I waited till the bus came to bring us to Yishun Safra.

Hahaz, silly gal wants me to keep my sunburn-tan for her.

Man, the J1s this year are mostly guys...and only about 4 gals joined. Poor thing.

Well I taped my fingers up real sweet and started bouldering again. Did loads of routes and it feels almost like a reunion when most of the team came back.

You see, I've bought a pull-up bar and had it installed at the door frame.

Now, let's just get real enthusiastic bout climbing alright?

Valentine's Day!

2009-02-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

Celebrated Valentine's Day with Her yesterday, and even though she was 1 and a half hour late, she made it up by baking me some really nice pure chocolate Domo-coloured cookies.

Hahaz, cute.

Made Her a hand-painted card which seemed plain, but even she was surprised I'd painted it. Initially wanted to buy Her a card, but when I saw those cards they sell at the stores, they seem so common and lacking something that could show how I truly felt for her.

So I made a simple card with gradual pink to red tone along with a lil poem to make Her smile. I got my inspiration simply because: firstly, those cards sold in stores lack sincerity; secondly, my love for Her is as simple, as deep, and as gradual as the colours; thirdly, to me, simplicity is the epitome of perfection.

Had wanted to dine at Fish and Co. at the glass house initially, but reservations were full and there was a hell long queue, so She decided that we should have Carl's Jr. at Marina instead.

So, we each had an enormous burger, followed by large fries, onion rings and the largest drink that is refillable. Had the best seats in the house, and it was a really filling and good dinner.

Which gal doesn't mind you not having a candle-light dinner along with expensive gifts and roses on her first valentine and even takes the effort to bake for you?

It's got to be Her.

I will end up loving Her even more.

Pure, pure, pure sweetness.

I'd always longed for a companion who doesn't mind toiling in hardship with me. But I know I won't be toiling in hardship forever; I simply haven't reached my prime yet.

So I make sure You won't regret being here with me.

I got to bed at around 2 and today I got forced wake at 8 to attend the commemoration of the WWII victims at City Hall.

What a drag, the damn thing lasted for only 30 minutes, and that one minute of silence wasn't exactly...one minute.

I sat there through out, and I only heard the damn band play most of the time.

Best thing was some loser old hag was acting all tears all the way behind, saying that her dad was killed by the Japanese 42 years back.

42 damn years ago, where they didn't even know what a condom was.

Look, why don't we just cry for every single person in the world who dies every single minute?

Dumpster Fucks.

Went to have some awesome porridge and then to my aunt's place to swim. Swam with my cousins, and ended up having a sunburn.

Ok, I'm ending the post here cause I'm tired.

I can be so busy even without a job.

Catching Up.

2009-02-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

Catched up with my old buddies over Monday and Tuesday.

The school security had a problem with letting us in, so I suggested that we climb in through the gates facing the main road. Went into SAJC to try their boulder-wall, and my stamina still hasn't recovered completely yet.

Went to play Left 4 Dead on both days and damn, I do love the blood, the bullets and the darkness.

It's the kinda game where you really can blast some Dieblo in and have a hell of a time.

I feel that somehow we're like brothers even though we're not that close.

Every single one of us has distinct skills and personality traits. Some are into music, some are into soccer, some are into parkour, some are into rockclimbing, and some are always into gals.

But some way or another we always seem to have something to catch up on.

Ok, back to my love life: Valentine's Day is coming up, and I have my worries on it being not up to Her expectations.

A side of me is quite depressed that I still don't have a job since it seems like everyone has one.

The other side of me is telling me that I should see good in this situation, where the average will only see this as being a good-for-nothing.

Joker always seems to be able to alter my perspectives on something bad into something good. What a guy, I owe my character to him.

Had a bad haircut by the way, these motherfucking barbers aren't trained to cut my hair nicely. What losers that are bound for failure, you shitheads can't even excel in something you do best.

Now all we do is wait.

Time and Tide wait for no man.

2009-02-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Finally got to catch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button today with Love. It was quite a good and meaningful movie, if you get it.

Time and Tide wait for no man, so we all should treasure whatever we have now.

I had dinner alone at Long House, as the baby had to go home early. But I didn't feel lonely, cause she had always been in my heart.

I actually thought that I wouldn't need to see her home, but I saw her walking to her seat, not even turning to look at me.

Then something struck me: I wouldn't wanna see her sad, let alone waste the opportunity to be there for her.

So I ran two bus stops to chase the bus down. Seems like I still have the speed.

All because Time and Tide wait for no man.

Bonding deeper.

2009-02-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

Went with the silly gal yesterday to Ang Mo Kio hub wanting to catch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at 8.20 but we only made it there at 8.10.

Nevertheless, we had a wonderful dinner and took a walk down the breezy streets of the vicinity while eating a one-metre-strawberry-sugar rip-roll.

Oh, I just love sugary and sweet candy complimented with love.

Well, went to Starbucks with Her to study today, and surprisingly I wasn't bored even without her laptop and sitting outdoors; I spent my time reading newspaper and playing NDS's cooking mama 2 and brain games.

Well, it was a girl-game but I seem to like it. I think cooking's fun. Brain games decided that my pre-frontal cortex of the brain was as fast as a train.

Since we couldn't catch the show yesterday night, we decided to catch it today at the Cathay. Too bad the tickets were sold out; it's quite rare for a movie to sell out completely for 2 consecutive timings, isn't it?

We took a long walk down to the Tanglin side and nostalgia struck me when I was at the Forum. I remember when my parents used to bring me there to buy toys when I was a lil kid, and it itches my inner child. To think that place hasn't changed much, and Toys R' Us is still there.

Went further down to Tanglin mall, it's also been years since I'd last been there, and we felt as if we were in another country. The buildings, the lightings and even the people passing us by were different. There was even a mini-flea market I didn't know of?

Went by some posh apartments where the streets were really quiet, and realised that She and I actually have many future family plans in common; just the kind of life I wanna have when I'm married.

Our dreams don't seem that far away.

I realised that it is pretty much through quiet but talkative moments like these while walking down the streets together, that lovers bond deeper.

Now, wouldn't You agree?

Keep the Faith.

2009-02-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

I read my older blog posts I wrote in 2006.

Same place, different people, different changes; different times.

Not only my body, but my mind and thoughts have become a lil dusty and rusty since then.

Time to get back up stronger.

Many say things change, but as I see it, things don't change before people do. Weapons don't kill people, people kill people.

People are the ones who hold the key to their own destruction, life and death.

I believe I'm able to go to either extreme ends.

You see people change their good habits to bad ones, similarly their behaviour; perhaps due to influence.

I see this strictly as an erosion of their faith.

Whatever the fuck they believed in is either not robust enough or that they're too weak to keep it.

Well I'm not preaching, nor am I lamenting. I am simply ostracising because I feel that there is an imperative need to trample on those who lose faith.

Nothing can last forever, except beliefs. They will follow you till the day you die.

To those who have never stood for anything much in life, do not consider yourself to be alive. You're better off dead like a failure.

We were born to be free as any other living thing on Earth, but we were also made to have an intrinsic ability to think and make choices like no other.

You are who you chose to be.

Everyone can have their own definition of pain and fun, but not everyone can have their own definition of faith.

Worry not bout time and age, let nature take its course; worry instead bout your faith, for not even nature can sway the strongest belief of a man.

Enough said, as sometimes the best teacher is still yourself.

CNY Updates-

2009-01-27T07:16:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year 2009.

Don't have much new apparels, nor much mood.

Received alot of hongbaos, but I didn't even opened a single one. Never checked how much I've got, and it doesn't really matter.

I think I've kinda succeeded in combating man's desire for materialism.

What I desire now is time, a stronger mentality and body, and Her.

It's been so so long since I've held her hand.

Her smile. Her smell. Her touch. Her warmth.

So sorry for all the times I wasn't there for you; I realised that absence does make the heart grow fonder.

I'd definitely make it up to You, my dear, so don't you worry :)

The bassist ain't free on Thursday, so it probably means there's no jamming.

I miss those days of the phoenix, where our dreams seemed not far away.

Momentum.

2009-01-21T22:13:00.000-08:00

Yes.

We should be jamming some good AFI songs next week such as total immortal, girl's not grey and perhaps miss murder.

Also some gay songs like David Cook's always be my baby and fall for you by Secondhand Serenade, which I will refuse to sing.

What's the point of jamming when you can sing these songs in a toilet?

And some songs that everyone (even LGBT) loves, such Nickelback's S.E.X , some Skillet and Muse.

I have dreams of being a full time rock-singer.

The Cure's boys don't cry is wonderful.

Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8CDERzun4k

I am gaining back the intrinsic momentum to train. Gotta get the core back.

My baby inspires me to train indirectly; I've gotta work out to remain strong, sturdy and good lookin' for I might lose out to the competition that's surfacing (from facebook and ex-classmates).

Hahaz.

I miss You terribly too.

Reach out and you may take my heart away.

Get Your Body Back.

2009-01-20T05:31:00.000-08:00

Went back to school to climb yesterday, and realised that I've quite lost all my strength.

I couldn't even last the endurance round of sticking on the wall for 2 minutes.

Damn.

My abs have degraded to a pile of dough since I had a proper training 7 months ago, even though I still don't have a tummy.

Pull ups dropped from 21 to maybe a 10. Fingers weaken and give way while I grab unto nice jugs.

I just recieved an old xbox console from my uncle complete with original games. At least now I've something to do while the silly gal is in school.

I'd get my body back, and You, darling, get your body beat.

Let's dance.

Jobless.

2009-01-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

I'm still jobless.

Ok, I might just work as some sales person at a boutique.

She said jokingly that I might have a chance of being the next cute guy that'd have gals blogging bout me, following the footsteps of the original cute guy working at Giordano at Vivo.

Myspace Music has officially blocked me from accessing all their band media players, for all the things I've took from them.

Damn.

I contacted Dieblo for the lyrics to his songs and he said that humans have an insatiable desire through his blog regarding my request.

There was blog post named Desire that spewed out some sarcasm bout how I said his voice was a lil inaudible.

Man, he sure is a funny guy.

Ok, just where is everyone on this blog? My tags haven't been running much lately.

So, bring my blog back alive, advocates!

Miss You so much.

2009-01-15T02:08:00.000-08:00

I'm missing Her so much.

I'm starting to train up again, and realised that I've lost almost half my strength. It's been 7-8 months without any form of training.

Gotta get my body back.

Wonder how's She doing in school; I know it's alot of stress, but you've just gotta learn to live with it.

Yeah, You should be there to Fight.

Now, my parkour spirit's quite kicking in again, and I'm free enough to practise and do some new moves; to avoid being a useless, jobless couch potato.

By the way, my new jukebox' up... and I know the size of the player's a lil too big for my blogskin, but nevertheless it's pretty nice as there is the much desired...volume control.

Will be updating more songs as time to come, so Enjoy.

Stay Strong,
JoKer.

Kickstart the Party!

2009-01-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

Finally.

I managed to get Combichrist's whole new EP: Today We're All Demons, while the album on cd isn't even out on sale yet till 20th January.

Just like old times; when I had their WTFIWWY album when it hasn't even been released yet in the beginning of 2007.

Yeah, call me the Music Junkie.

Just seemed to remind me of the good'old fun times, when I had with my first 3 months OG, all the people there; it was exactly 2 years ago.

I suddenly remember celebrating my 17th birthday with my OG in Pizza Hut; the rebellious, gutsy, the anti-hero, aggressive and adrenaline junkie me.

Wonder how much I've changed unwittingly.

Hahaz, I think my adrenaline level has long been untapped. Same goes for my rage level. I can feel both these attributes of Joker diminish.

Guess it's the power of love; mentioned it before that all these can go away with sufficient care, concern and love.

Love and Hate are the exact opposites (although I think I can manipulate my hate into rage better than using love as my inner-strength) , and I'm not accustomed to flare up for nothing.

How do I feel towards you? Just observe my reactions for I am a mirror of your actions.

We all have the right and liberty to choose what we wanna be.

So,...two years later; I'm stuck at home, having fun and looking for a job, but still as happy.

This time Combichrist's album is a little much heavier, along with more aggressively offensive lyrics and bass.

Damn, do I love good'old Combichrist.

Let's Kickstart the Party!

Another wonderful day with My Baby-

2009-01-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

Another wonderful day with my baby; went with Her to Golden Landmark to get a leotard, but too bad they don't have that tall silly gal's size, and in the end she felt so depressed leaving empty handed.

Did my best to cheer her up and we roamed Haji Lane again, but no more shisha smokers nor opened shops.

Went to the Golden Mile hawker centre and had a good bowl of prawn noodles. Gosh, I got partially deaf after tasting some red chilli. First time in my life. Must've been Her who passed me the overheating disease.

Hahahaz.

Brought the Silly gal to the nearest bus stop to take the bus to Queensway. Man, as usual, we walked the long way.

Went to crowded Queensway to help her select a nice pair of running shoes. I saw this really nice and sexy pair of Nike Zoom sneakers, which was initially $190 but now selling for $114.

Too bad they don't have Her size again, and we chose the second best; well it's still pretty nice.

Told Her to run out the shop to test the shoes and there was this bunch of guys staring at Her with in a horrible manner.

Hate it when guys ogle at my gal.

School starts for Her tomorrow, while I'd be stuck at home looking for jobs. I kinda miss school.

No worries, hun, I'm still here and still your boy. So there is no need to worry, really :)

Go to school, work hard and play hard.
There is a time to play and a time to work, so I hope you'd prioritise your time well.

Focus, and most importantly, choose your friends wisely.

I tell you, there are many people out there who act as if they're your friends, but are out to harm you, cloud your mind and affect your judgement. You know what I'm talking bout. Fall into their trap and you lose.

These are exactly the friends, you'd be much better off without.

Trust me, I know best. Been in this kinda shit before, and I don't want this to ever happen to you.

So, just do the right things, stay strong and I assure you there is no such thing as regret.

19th Birthday.

2009-01-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've just turned 19 today.

Presents from the Silly Gal: an extremely sweet handmade card and a very nice brown leather bag; and even though it's a lil big, but I guess it's worth it.

Not too gay and not too cheap. I like it.

Dinner at Ajisen Ramen was her treat (I love Ramen), and dessert was Jim Beam Cola, surprisingly.

Itchy fingers acted up once again since such a long long time.

Well, since I still have the speed and skill, no harm trying to put em' to good use.

Hahahaz.

Thanks for everything, baby. I had a wonderful day, and most importantly a wonderful birthday.

I think Davey Havok of AFI is pretty cool. I like how he could pull off an androgynous and a punk style perfectly.

She said suspenders might look good on me and I thought of Davey. He wears em' on his tours.

Maybe I'd try em one day, and hopefully I can pull it off wearing it nicely.

On my current playlist: AFI's prelude 12/21, total immortal and bleed black.

On Her current playlist: Fall Out Boy's Folie A Deux and Nickelback's S.E.X.

This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me.
This is what I thought, so think me naive
I'd promised you a heart, you'd promise to keep.
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Love me long and I'd let you recieve.

She's Fast and Beautiful.

2009-01-08T00:10:00.000-08:00

I'd be spending my birthday with Her tomorrow.

I worry when she's got things on her mind; feel bad that I can't do a thing to help, as a boyfriend.

I love to see her dance.

If anyone's truly fast and beautiful, it'd have to be Her.

Simply a look, can break your heart.

2nd and 3rd Jan/Fun and Woes-

2009-01-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

Life's all fun and woes.

Cycled to Bishan yesterday to meet up with the silly gal to accompany her study. Sat there using her laptop and playin arcade games on it. Read some marvel comics and man, I love Wolverine.

I had the idea of cycling her home with my bike with her standing on my mini bike peds. It looks dangerous at first, but I'm confident to say that I've got my fair share of bike skills.

In the end, she still enjoyed herself and even wanted to go a few more rounds.

Today: Xiongwei organised a cycling trip at Pulau Ubin and only 5 of us turned up. It was my first time to Ubin and I didn't imagine the bike trails...to be that insane.

The seaview and the breeze there is just good. Kinda romantic too.

Wish You were there.

Climb down to the mangrove swamp to catch crabs. Mini crabs that lives in mini holes. There were hundereds, but when I went to catch them, they all went back into the holes.

All of em.

I've never see anything like that in my life, and when I saw some naughty crabs peeping at me from their homes, I took a branch and dug the hell outta those holes.

Till I got the lil crabbies. I managed to kill one, catch one and sever the big pincer of another.

Put em into my water bottle and watched em crawl silly.

Went up to the bird watching tower and man, that was the kinda view everyone should see.

Came to the quarry which was out of bounds and it sure looked mystical, as there was no other single soul in sight.

We then continued cycling until we reached specific difficulty routes. Blue spots, black diamond and double black diamond (from easiest to hardest).

Damn, we choosed double black diamond and ended up cycling on steep slopes full of rocks and stones, trees, bushes and no one else in sight.

Man, we nearly had accidents.

We then lost our way deep in the forest trail. Imagine our relief when we saw another group of youngsters lost!

We were almost in the middle of nowhere and we were all tired from the pushing of bikes up the steep slopes. Damn, those slopes were steep like stairs, except a hell lot muddier and rough.

We came back to the main road after 2 hours.

Then they suggested completing the rest of the trail.

I was reluctant even as I liked cycling, but after doing the trails, it was way way outta my league and way to dangerous.

For goodness's sake, we didn't even have helmets or proper shoes!

But nevertheless, we still fought on.

Uphill, downhill and I nearly banged in trees and untrimmed bushes.

I did fall down a couple of times, but landed safely into the bushes.

Had a few dead ends and we ended up wasting energy cycling through the rocky roads.

After 4 long hours of continuous cycling out of the forest, I was dead beat. My ass hurts as the trails were bloody bumpy.

But we managed to cycle around the whole isle of Ubin, with no casualties. We'd completed all the trails as a team. Although I might be kinda anti-hero myself, but this time it's all bout the teamwork.

Came home, fell asleep and my parents went out to town. I cycled to get dinner. Cycled back and here I am bloggin.

More cycling to come tomorrow with the silly gal.

What a great way to exercise.

As everyone has their fair share of fun and woes, I also have mine. I'm worried bout the relief teacher job as the waiting list is long.

There's another job opportunity being a salesman selling tv. This time there's no contract.

Today's 3rd January, and even though it's still the beginning of the new year, I'm worried bout my relief teaching job as it's bringing alot of false hope.

This New Year's Resolution:
1. Stop sucking my parents money, I'm old and free enough to start work.

2. Love Her even more. (She deserves it :)

3. Stay postive, happy and strong.

4. Repeat whatever good I've done and make all the mistakes I've done in the past year obsolete.

My Birthday's a week away, and it seems like another excuse for me not to seek for a job.

So, Joker, do your thing and come rescue me.

Embrace the New Year, be it good or bad.

2009-01-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

Spent the New Year with Yijun baby, and we still managed to catch the beautiful fireworks eventually, even though her dad was pretty reluctant on her going for it the day before.

Simply Wonderful.

This is my first time spending a new year with a beloved one while watching fireworks live.

I suddenly remember the past new year's eve I'd spent, mostly the lonely ones.

But this year's the best there is, and plus there's no more school.

Well, that's not exactly good news; kinda miss school, training and paying student concession fares.

Hope I can go to work soon, and I hate sucking off my parents like some spoilt kid.

So, just embrace the New Year 2009, be it good or bad.

We'd still have to live, so why not make it heaven?

Let's just hope she understands.

Found an Angel to spend with on Christmas.

2008-12-25T19:16:00.001-08:00

Had a wonderful Christmas yesterday with my dearest Silly Gal yesterday.

Twilight at 4 at GV Marina, and we've got the best seats in the house. Surprisingly, the movie was good, but it might be because I didn't read the book.

Dinner at Swensons, and had sushi supper from Carrefour.

Exchanged presents, and we both do like our presents. Ok, it's a successful Christmas. :)

She kept mentioning my birthday, and funny thing is I didn't even realise that it was gonna come?

Oh, She's so silly.

Realised that everyone was staring at her legs for the grey leggings, instead of em staring at me, which happens usually hahahaz.

I wanna go jamming again.

Finally found an angel to spend Christmas with.

Tightest Schedule/X'mas Eve.

2008-12-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

Brought Silly Gal to a shop, to let her guess what present I had in mind.

To my surprise, she got it right and liked it!

Well, to her surprise, I knew who JOMO was.

Hahaz.

Can You feel the connection between us?

I feel it getting stronger.

My scraped knee wound isn't healing as fast as I thought it would.

This Christmas, my schedule is the tightest ever. Been going out almost everyday. Went to watch Ip Man yesterday with family at Lido, good show, but there should have been more fights.

Hope We can get to watch Twilight tomorrow, and have a good dinner.

Why is everyone being so particular on 3rd January? ROCMOC's going cycling at Ubin, and Dear's friends' gathering.

Now let's hope my old buddies have nothing on that day, cause I'm fully booked!

Merry Christmas, Mouse!

My packed life.

2008-12-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

Been so busy this holiday.

Played as a left back defender in a full field soccer match on Thursday, and man, our team got thrashed.

Well, but I realised that I still had the speed and a lil stamina. Still managed to block a couple of shots.

I scraped my knee and my legs feel pretty rigid after the match.

The drummer got injured during the first 10 minutes of the game and looks like we can't possibly jam again this remaining year.

Okay, Silly Gal's so gonna kill me, when she find out bout this.

I can't celebrate Christmas with her on 25th as it'd be my parent's dinner.

Damn.

Look's like there isn't any other day on the whole of next week as her schedule's already packed to the brim.

Double Damn.

I only have myself to blame.

1st jamming session.

2008-12-16T07:27:00.000-08:00

Ok today's jamming session's quite successful. At least there was something going.

So good that I'm a little deaf...and mute, cause I shouted my lungs out for a few songs like Skillet's Falling inside the black and Linkin Park's Bleed it out.

We did a couple of songs, from Alter Bridge's Metalingus(man, that was a real challenge for all) to Muse's Hysteria.

Man, Muse's Hysteria is so damn good.

I enjoyed singing this song the most, other than Bleed it out's rapping verses and Falling inside the black's shouting parts.

Damn, my good old buddies are just so good at jamming.

This is my first time shouting at the top of my lungs singing. I'd always wanted to do this.

Too bad, the AFI's Miss Murder, Skillet's Looking for Angels and Comatose can't be played as keyboards and tabs were needed.

Maybe next time.

Need to find someone who can seriously play a keyboard, and then perhaps we can even play some industrial songs?

That's quite my dream.

TZDV.

2008-12-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

Enjoying myself this holiday, hopefully I'd start work in January.

Been going out the whole past week; the following Tuesday jamming and Thursday soccer full field.

My pockets are dimishing.

Tomorrow's jamming session; I hope all will go well, as I'm the weakest link as a singer who tends to forget the lyrics.

Ok, I don't even know the lyrics of some songs they're playing, but yeah.

My English is deteriorating. My vocabulary is limited.

Yikes.

But But...I'm not vulgar anymore. Don't know where did that personality disappear to. It just happened overnight.

Still trying to get Combichrist's new album due for release in January 2009, and apparently no one is willing to seed.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of what look should I adopt for the new year.

A new hairstyle? A new piercing? A new set of abs? Or even a new tan?

For those who don't know me yet, Joker has many faces.

So many I can't control.

Maybe only She can.

My current playlist: Faderhead's FH3 album.

Particularly TZDV (Tanz Zwo Drei Vier) and Electrosluts Extraordinaire.

Sorry, no previews...I'm the only one with the album.

Everyone Dance...one, two, three, four....

Everyone Dance...one, two, three, four....

*Obsessive Compulsive* (the result of spending your days with an OCD person and the Simpsons)

One way to my heart, is through my stomach-

2008-12-12T05:34:00.001-08:00

Beloved made me a very tasty lasagne with ham instead of beef, which is much healthier.

Two pieces actually, and the only thing was she didn't make enough exactly to fit my stomach.

But then again, it was so tasty that I finished it all up in a few gulps...even though the tops were a lil burnt, but they still tasted good.

I mean, it was really good.

One of the ways to my heart, is through my stomach...and Silly Gal spent the whole morning preparing it for me, and she had to wash all the dishes herself.

Sorry, I can't help dear, but I would if I could. :)

I love You.

We took a trip down a swing and Thomson Plaza's NTUC to do some window grocery-shopping. Had fun watching Her get easily amused by those expensive and rare stuff like foie gras.

Went to Chinatown to celebrate my grandfather's birthday at a posh vegetarian restaurant, and I realised that my younger cousins have grown.

They're no longer children.

Ok, I'm already 18, but I still feel like a child sometimes.

Well, I should just be contented, watch myself and make sure no one gets hurt unnecessarily. This way, everyone could live happily ever after.

But, I can't possibly do this alone; those around me must also have faith and play by the rules, as there are always consequences.

Remember this: Everyone has a part to play in making this a safe place to live in; break the rules and you pay the price.

To be loved, or hated...that's entirely up to You.

Bloody Wrist.

2008-12-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

My wrist has been hurting for bloody long now, and I haven't been climbing.

I feel paralysed when my right hand is injured.

I didn't get the job at the bank, and I'm happy. It's the holiday season and who'd be that mindless to be working?

It's alright if I'm a little short of cash, but I have time on my side.

There'd be plenty of other opportunities and I'm waiting for the relief teaching job.

No contracts, no shithold rules nor regulations.

My current playlist: Blaqk Audio's Cexcells album. Gosh, Davey Havok is good at synthpop.

Time is all to Us.

It's quite all that matters now.

Safe and Sound.

2008-12-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, Silly Gal's dares are so embarrassing.

Didn't know that the many faces of Joker actually had a hidden 'beng' inside. Man, I feel so embarrassed talking bout this now.

Hahaz.

Went to places with Her, and it was as far as causeway point. Then, noticing that it got pretty boring, we went back to town; Bugis and Haji Lane areas.

Yeah, they sure do have stalls selling quirky stuff, but most of them caters to women.

Shocked Her with something that looks awfully real. Wanted to keep Her in the dark, but I'm so afraid that lying to her will become a habit...so I didn't.

She'd always mentioned to me that I'd look nice with one, although it can be of a hassle.

But I think I look nice with it.

She looks even better with it, gosh.

She likes my new tan, and I like it too.

Took 980 home and there goes the whole bloody platoon of banglas.

What a Fucked up turn-off for a date.

Reached Her place at around 11.20 and Her tired eyes never fails to make me feel touched.

I just wanna make sure She's always safe and sound.

Job Dilemma.

2008-12-03T20:05:00.001-08:00

Ok, I've got a call that told me I'd be shortlisted for a job at a bank in Toa Payoh that pays $6.50 an hour. 5 days work week. Minimum 3 months contract. Starts next tuesday.

I'm fine with this, but I've also signed up for relief teaching online that pays minimum $65 a day.

But the problems are: I wanna spend more time with Her, at least during her holidays? At the same time, my wallet is dimishing. Moreover, relief teaching can only start earliest by next year.

Ok, seems like Silly gal's stressed bout alot of things like Christmas and work.

Oh, She's so silly.

Been going out everyday these past week. Until I've got nothing else to wear.

Current Playlist: Dieblo's Evil Eyes.

Damn, this jap guy is good. Try him here: http://vampirefreaks.com/dieblo

I'm having much difficulty trying to update the songs into my jukebox, but my music's so underground that they don't provide much streams online.

This is what they should play in clubs of just sexed-up hip hop, which I don't even feel any arousal while I was dancing.

Really nothing. Ok, it's also partly because I already have someone in my heart. :)

Industrial goes well with alcohol.

So well that it gets me psycho.

My kinda high.

This is the New Shit.

Wild Night.

2008-12-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

Invitation to the VJ post-prom at O Bar yesterday by my good old' buddies.

Had a couple of drinks, played pool and apparently everyone was like best friends when we got high.

Went to the dance floor and damn, it sure was crowded.

Wished they had changed the music from hip hop to industrial. Some Combichrist and Faderhead would have been great.

Dirtygrrls, make some noise, move that ass for dirtybois...dirtybois, so obscene, like to see the grrls extreme.

Too bad the lights were on at 3 sharp. Spoilt the fun.

Ok, there goes my guts.

But on the whole, this club's good if not for the massive crowd.

Would have been better if She was there.

I miss Her.

I think I've gotten silly gal worried silly, but no worries! I'd definitely make it up to Her.

Ok, I'm having a slight hangover now, but I'm still standing.

See You, Next Time-Folks!

Silly gal's really walking with me.

2008-11-28T19:30:00.001-08:00

Went to East Coast with Silly gal yesterday; on a friday.

It started out fine...until I noticed that the bloody 401 was not in service on weekdays.

Got me very pissed as we waited almost half an hour at the burning bus stop.

Luckily, B2(baby2) managed to soothe my nerves just by smiling at me and telling me that everything's alright.

I thought it was the only silly thing that's gonna happen to us.

Unfortunately, unfortunate events always come in a series.

We took the wrong bus 30 all the way to harbourfront. But ok, silly gal was so happy looking at the view. It sure was a beautiful view.

Came back to East Coast and since 401 was down, we had to walk all the way from Fort Road to the bike kiosk.

Which was really damn far.

There wasn't any other way on weekdays.

Well, on the bright side, I had my dear Yijun as company...which was more than enough actually.

Reached the bicycle kiosk and we rented individual bikes.

Cycled all the way till the other end of East Coast...when suddenly my bike gears gave way. I tried repairing it but it was totally beyond repair.

The thought of pushing the damn bike all the way back to the bike kiosk and being unable to cycle with Her just makes me mad.

Really mad.

Felt that I began to burn again...but again B2 managed to subdue and calm me down.

The solution? She cycled carrying my bag while I held on to her at the side.

Silly gal did this all the way, and even uphill.

This is really touching, and only a silly gal deep in love would do this.

I Love You, Dear.

Ok, when we got back to the bike kiosk, I was lucky the guy didn't check the gears. Hungry as we were, we went to Carls Jr.

It was almost past dusk, but we managed to see the last remnants of sunlight.

The setting orangy-red glow of the sun in the darkness. It was really beautiful, and She was really beautiful.

It was getting really dark, and we walked again to Carl's Jr.

Shared a giant portobello mushroom burger. I was thinking of how to get home.

Ok, too bad there was no other bus, and we had to go through by the way we came in. Thankfully, She doesn't have an alter ego like Joker that flares up dangerously.

One Joker is enough.

Went back to the bus stop and took to harbourfront, again. There She went again, happily looking at the night view like a lil gal. Not that I didn't look at it like a lil boy, but yeah. Hahaz.

Switched bus and we eventually reached Her place at 10.30pm. There were no complaints at all. She just smiled at me.

Silly gal's really walking with me on this rocky road.

Killed almost all my insecurities within a day.

Yeah, it was such a day, but it sure seemed like an adventure, and sure was a great experience. I can't deny I had fun.

I know there will be more to come.

Prom Night/Egomaniac.

2008-11-26T07:54:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was the great prom.

Silly gal gave me a big surprise by actually being present at the prom by being part of the backstage crew.

We even managed to take the last bus, and even though I walked all the way home from her place, all alone through the darkness and eating marks and spencer shortbreads, I feel blessed.

Contented.

Ok, I've got people coming up to me telling me that I dressed well.

I appreciate it, and I'd always put in the effort to groom myself well.

Well, let's just say that I've got my own style and part of my vanity runs in the family.

The post-prom party at the Arena; some really fucking stupid people think I would go and fall straight into their trap.

Yeah, like I would fall straight into the trap, and stoop so low to be a fool of the same standard as them.

Hahaz.

Man, you guys really underestimated me.

You see, even though I might seem like some kinda flirt to some, the genuine to many, the arrogant to few and the sweetest to one...but I'm still pretty crazy to all.

I believe my advocates and I are all people with backbones, and we don't really care how the other people think.

The mind's the greatest weapon, and it's all up there.

People can't force you to do things; but they sure can tempt your bloody mind.

Like I said, resist, manage your impulse and then think of a plan.

I tell you, there are just several personalities of me; each consists of only one of all the different emotions, and I can only feel at most one emotion at a time.

So, the good news is, when my personality is one of your favourites, provided that you play your cards well...then you'd get to be with the 'me' you like.

Well, then there is the bad news.

When you don't play your cards well even with my umpteen warnings, then you'd get to see something else...weirder.

Play with me, and You'd get burned for sure.

Ok, in a nutshell, Joker's just quite a complex character.

By the way, it's the egomaniac Joker typing this post now, just for all the viewers' information.

Oh, don't even waste your time trying to understand him...cause you'd never.

Don't forget this people: Don't get even, Get Mad.

See you, next time, old loser pals!

She's gonna walk with me on the Rocky Road.

2008-11-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

Gosh, sweetheart's Rocky Road: I love it.

Silly gal spent so much time making it for me, and they say one of the ways to a man's heart is through his stomach.

I can now officially tell you, it's true.

Went to have sushi yesterday together, and looks like both of us became broke.

Broke but Happy.

Being happy is all that matters now really.

We went around the whole town in a day, literally, hahaz.

Got Her a mini domo-kun, and I think it's cute too.

Ok, I'm addicted to Mindless Self Indulgence's Never Wanted to Dance. Both the original and the Combichrist mix.

I know She's gonna walk with me on the Rocky Roads.

I'd never wanted to dance with nobody but You.

Injury time-

2008-11-18T07:10:00.000-08:00

The War is officially fought and Over.

But the fire still burns, and I don't ever intend to let it die out.

The original fire may have died and gone, but the riot inside moves on.

There'd certainly be more challenges in life, and the end of A levels doesn't mark the end of my life.

I played soccer today and injured my butt and wrist. How clumsy. Now I can't even hold a spoon properly.

Looks like I won't be able to go back to training for a lil while.

But a special thanks to my darling dear, for her care and concern that never fails to warm the darkest depths of my heart.

Thank You, Hon- I appreciate every single thing that you do.

So very glad that You came into my life.

Now, I can't wait for Christmas.

She'd be the only one who can turn all your tears roses.

There comes the Mood again.

Funny Topshop salesgal.

2008-11-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

Went to Topshop at city hall with my mom and bro yesterday, was looking at the jeans and this salesgal offered to help me, but I said I was just browsing around.

I turned to look at clothes then saw her smiling at me. Being courteous, I just smiled back.

Went to another section to look at clothes and she nearly crashed into me, saying she was sorry. Nothing funny here yet.

I heard my mom talking to a gal in cantonese behind my back, and I turned and saw her chatting with my mom. Initially, I thought she was my mom's friend's daughter or something, and she said she was a hongkonger too.

I went over and asked my mom who she was, and she just smiled and smiled. She said she was from CJC and also 18.

Sorry, but I gave her the signals that I wasn't really interested; even though I think she looks a lil like Maggie Q, I already have someone else.

So, I just walked away.

Came home, and my dad said I was a dumbass.

Hahahaz.

Well, I only wanna say one thing: there's just so many pretty gals out there, but so few good-looking guys.

So, guys...keep improving yourselves, physically and most importantly, mentally...and the all admiration you deserve will come.

Stay strong, confident and crazy.

Just like Joker.

It's almost over now; See you,next time!

2008-11-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

The War?

It's almost over now.

Many lost it to apathy.

Hahahaz...if you know what I mean.

Went with silly gal to watch the good,the bad and the weird yesterday. Man, it's such a nice show...but too bad we had the lousiest theatre at Lido.

Damn.

Ok,I realised I've been looking not only at pretty gals but also handsome guys.

I think I need to change my style. It's getting old.

Final paper on Tuesday...then all hell breaks loose.

Just like the good old times.

Watch me.

Dodge, and Last.

2008-11-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, War isn't just all about killing.

It's bout dodging the damn bullets that're coming your way, and the ability to last as well.

The A levels is very very unpredictable...and it made me wonder if they are really restructuring the whole examination and education system?

Does that make me wanna give up?

Fat Fuck Hope.

If that's what they want, I'd give it to em'.

Der Letze Schrei Sein. -it means 'to be all the rage' in german.

Kill, Dodge, and Last.

Let's Win this.

Got Her hooked.

2008-10-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've got Her hooked on MarilynM's If I was your Vampire.

Yes, it's a really beautiful song.

I'm addicted to Industrial music itself.

Now, haven't I told everyone that Industrial is undeniably the best genre? It's a drug.

Well, perhaps only some people know how to appreciate it.

Yeah, Fuck the Mainstream.

I'm currently into Faderhead's Exit Ghost.

Try it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4GIZGoUyx4

I'd try to upload the great songs into my jukebox when I have the time...so you guys just enjoy it off youtube first.

Anyone who wants the songs will have to get through me, hahaz!

Tomorrow's the day.

Ready or not, here it comes.

Oh don't turn away, Get in Front of it!

Stay Focused...and Happy.

2008-10-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

The Ticking's bout to stop.

Yet, I'm staying focused and happy.

That's all I wanna say.

Yeah, It'd be like Bulls on Parade!

No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now.

Earth Angel, will You be mine?

2008-10-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Bella Morte's cover of Earth Angel is great.

I think Andy's (the lead vocalist) very handsome.

Charming.

Check the song out here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPYhOhhwCEA

Hope You'd all fall in love like I do.

So, Earth Angel, will You be mine?

Sado-Frenzy.

2008-10-21T05:37:00.001-07:00

Ok.

I just went into a sado-frenzy earlier on, at my mom.

I nearly flinged a whole long metal kitchen chair at her face.

But I smashed it on some plastic container instead.

This time's different. I felt that I could control myself more than ever.

If I didn't, I could've killed my mom.

Literally.

I feel Stronger.

This is what I really need.

My sado-frenzy, good old' Joker.

Even my brother and my dad didn't make any noise when I was going crazy.

I didn't mean it just to scare anyone, cause when I get in the mood, I really mean harm.

I feel rejuvenated.

With only 9 days left, the sado-frenzy better act up quick.

This...might be the only thing that can really get you through.

Hahaz.

When everything comes to a sudden blur,
You'd better start running...cause that's when it gets fun...for me.

Wrong Perceptions.

2008-10-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ok. I just realised many people have the wrong perception of me. Well, I don't usually mind...but it sure bugs me a little.

I admit it.

I gave my good friend a call to wish him a Happy Birthday today. One of the few rare times I actually call someone just to wish them a Happy Birthday.

He told me bout how the others saw me in town frequently. Well, I've nothing against them doing so...but the truth is, I haven't been to town in such a long time.

When I finally did so yesterday with Subway Gal, saw Mrs Teng (Miss Koh) and her husband at Heeren. I just called her for fun and she looked at me with a stern face. She said I was very free.

I guess it's understandable at this point in time.

I have owned this life forever, and I'd always remain.

Most people harbour wrong perceptions of me.

I think I face the same fate as my mom.

Hahaz.

Now I ask myself this: will She do the same?

Cause' it'd be all that matters.

I like to serenade; She likes to listen.
We do make a match.

If I was your Vampire.

2008-10-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

I'm currently addicted to Marilyn Manson's If I was Your Vampire.

The song is highly addictive.

Try it here: http://www.esnips.com/doc/c0220103-9158-41a4-b95d-acf29c57e4d7/If-I-Was-Your-Vampire

I'm motivated by my rage...yet calm and happy at the same time.

Angel and Demon.

This is simply so beautiful.

Life's good...only when you meet all the right people.

I'd be ready.

Change.

2008-10-12T03:06:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to love long night strolls.

Even with an injured ankle.

Hopefully there'd be a river the next time, for Her.

Damn, the Cruxshadows have been the featured band on VF since the beginning of the week. Man, I know they're good, but it's time for a change.

I found another nice band.

Bella Morte. Which is gothic rock.

Check em out here: http://vampirefreaks.com/BellaMorteMusic

I feel something tickling in my heart.

Star Wars Gangsta Rap.

2008-10-09T04:29:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty drained that I even lost some weight.

I've found a really funny video on youtube that can entertain you.

If you were never a Star Wars fan, maybe after this you might like it, but it'd be for the wrong reasons.

Hahaz.

Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d84U-MUsXg&feature=related

Enjoy.

Last 20 days.

2008-10-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

We're only left with 23 days till it finally stops ticking.

It's getting blurry.

It gets me restless and reckless.

It's almost a sin for not being stressed out.

You get me? A Sin.

So, Come On'!

1st date-

2008-10-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

Time's running short.

Too much to say, too little time.

I'm gonna keep it short too.

Subway gal feels emo, but I guess it's my fault.

Maybe it's just the way I make people feel.

All I hope for now is her to be happy.

It's hard to be perfect...at the very least for my case.

Seems like she's not the only one with insecurities.

I'm stopping the post here, and part of the fun is trying to find out all of this.

Stay strong and happy, advocates.

Extraordinaire-

2008-09-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

Man, that goddamn Faderhead is good.

Although it lacks the aggression, but it's such an addictive new sound.

It's so fucking tough to get the album.

Try it here: http://vampirefreaks.com/faderhead

Let's welcome the Euphoria, advocates!

Never Say Die.

2008-09-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

Had dinner with Subway gal yesterday.

She's got quite a personality, one that's almost quite like Joker's.

Nice.

Her tinge of condescension allures.

This will get somewhere.

Back in the crib, I'm enjoying myself by studying.

There has to be passion in whatever we do.

What fun is there if You don't wanna win?

Most importantly, we should never say Die.

I'd Never Say Die.

Gay Shit.

2008-09-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy lately.

Bad grades for the prelims.

I see minor improvements, but such baby steps aren't gonna get me what I want. I'm not going to stop working either.

So, my gp tutor recommended me to visit yawningbread.org for some good domain knowledge, cause I've been complacent bout my gp.

I logged in, saw the bio of the author Alex, and he openly declares he's gay.

Well, I told myself: alright, and I went to click on one of his posts regarding malaysian politics.

Guess what?

He's such a strong advocate of whatever he believed in, to the extent which he put up a picture of a naked man showing off his bare butt in that particular post.

That really disgusted me.

Maybe this is the kind of dissent we should all fear.

He justified why gays should not be feared nor demeaned, and should have the equality of heterosexuals, by telling us that gays are not sexual predators.

You see, it's their sexual deviation that sets them apart from us.

If heterosexuals are already so sexually driven, what makes you think that such strong advocates of homosexuality, who're not afraid of revealing their sexual orientation in a prejudiced world, won't impose or even exhibit any form of gay sexual lust?

If homosexuals won't be labelled as sexual predators, then why did this guy have to put up a picture of a naked man showing his asshole in what seemed like a perfectly 'innocent' post?

Looks like these advocates of homosexuality really want to be free of labels when they indulge in their own type of lust.

Fat hope, I tell you.

Homosexuality is morally wrong, and it is a fact that some people are born like that. What I'm saying here is that it is alright to be homosexual if you're intrinisically born with such a sexual orientation, but it should be kept a secret at the very least.

The government has done it's best to turn a blind eye to homosexuals, but it cannot change society's perceptions of them.

At least not mine.

Hahaz.

Madness? It's pragmatism.

2008-09-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

My Dear Advocates,

Have you ever felt so miserable; there is no drive in your life; the system needs to be changed; that it needs to be reformed?

Felt that You need a way out of all the four walls closing in on you, and there is nothing you can do bout it?

Instead of seeking solace from other sources, why not seek it within yourself?

You are your own cure. In its purest form, with no other impurities anyone could possibly taint you with.

Well, there is a way out, I'm telling you.

Rather than sitting there ranting bout how you wished it was all gonna end.

This is what the voices in your heads would be saying, 'Oh motherfucker, don't bullshit me.'

Well, you see, I'm not bullshitting any of you.

What all of you lack, is a certain drive.

So, I'm endorsing Rage. It's the one and only drive you'd ever need.

With rage, you'd even enjoy the pain you're going through.

Why just take it like a sitting duck?

A bloody sitting duck. Gettin' Fucked.

You see, life's an arduous journey, and it'd help if you enjoyed it.

Why so eager to get out of it? Hahaz.

We should be advocates of a direct opposition to whatever hardships you might be going through, with a lil fun of course.

Madness? Solitude? Misery?

I say it's only pragmatism.

Find the roots of your problem, and solve it.

Condemn me, suppress me, or even destroy me.

What are they scared of?

Me?

They're not afraid of me, they're afraid of what's in my mind.

So, advocates, indoctrinate yourselves with a rage; have a drive, stabilise, and watch us all 'harmonise'.

You know what I'm talkin bout'.

Hahaz.

Here's one from the Joker:

No more would they rant and scoff, it's time to cut their circulation off,
If they do not see they joke, show your rage and let em' choke!

Oh, even rage could be this funny.

Alright, advocates, enough said. It's better if you'd indoctrinate yourselves.

You'd be much stronger that way, trust me.

I know.

Stay happy, advocates, I'm sure the last laugh will still be ours.